Emotional Intelligence has been defined as the ability to monitor and distinguish different emotions to guide thinking and behaviour. I also see emotional intelligence as a dance between the head and the heart. How many times have you experienced a battle between what your mind wants and what your heart desires?
The mind may strive for the next big thing, for example; a bigger house. Yet having a bigger house brings more stress, higher bills, more time spent cleaning! However, your heart may desire a much simpler life, with less stress and have more time and energy for family, friends and activities. Emotional intelligence means having balance between the head and the heart.
Here I explain a little more about the dance between the head, heart, how our identity is expressed through our emotions and how to become emotionally intelligent.
When your head and heart are not ‘singing off the same song sheet’
When your head says one thing, yet you feel something different, emotional chaos occurs. Emotional stress builds when we don’t express our true feelings. It is like water pressure building up inside a blocked pipe, too much and it bursts. I am not saying that you will burst! But, our health suffers when our emotions are suppressed, when you put a’ lid on’ your emotions.
Our Identity is Expressed through our Emotions
We express our identity through how we articulate our emotions. Emotional intelligence means to be aware of how we are feeling and also others. When our emotions are repressed we are suppressing who we are. Congruent communication is key in becoming emotionally intelligent. Inconsistency in our communication, not saying or behaving how we feel, leads to all kinds of trouble. Anxiety, depression, relationship issues, stress, illness and pain in the body can all result from a lack of consistency in how you are able to express your authenticity emotionally.
One of my clients came to me because they were having trouble with expressing their true feelings to a family member. She thought she would upset this person if she told her that she felt frustrated with his behaviour. However, his behaviour continued as he had no idea what was going on and my client bottled up her feelings so much it cause her headaches and anxiety.
When you become emotionally intelligent, you can see both sides to the story. In my clients case she could not understand why her partner was behaving like he was and all it did was cause frustration, but he was frustrated too! It took her to realise that they were stuck in this pattern of frustration and by changing her behaviour, they were able to both see what was causing the problem. __________________________________________________________________________________
I am here to help you make sense of your emotions, see your purpose, and help you bring cheer back into your life. Release stress and pain in your body, calm your mind and regain your health. Bring back emotional balance to your life.
What does it mean to have a high level of emotional intelligence?
Cultivating a high level of emotional intelligence is second nature for some, but for others it is a tricky thing. You can learn to be emotionally intelligent, to balance your heart and mind. But it takes practice, commitment and a willingness to improve your life.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to see another persons perspective. To be able to put yourself in their shoes without getting involved in the emotion of it. Being empathetic not sympathetic. In other words, to be sensitive to others feelings without this impacting yourself.
Knowing your own emotional patterns and triggers is hugely beneficial. This means you can discern what is yours and what is another persons emotion. So, when you are faced with highly charged situations, it is easier to understand the bigger picture and make the right choices. Becoming emotionally intelligent also means that you learn how to say no and make better decisions in your life, relationships and career.
Emotional intelligence of your body – Your Body Speaks To You
Our bodies transmit emotions. When we are emotionally intelligent it also means that we are in touch with our body, whether you are conscious of this fact or not. It is a reality that unexpressed emotions get trapped in our bodies. Passionate feelings left unexpressed will build up and create disturbance in our bodies. Often leading to some kind of pain, illness and even injury. Learning to question why you have a pain in your body, can give you great insight into the emotional patterns of your life.
We carry through emotional patterns of our parents and often they get mixed up with our own. Many times in my practice I see people who have pain in the body being a part of a persons ancestral patterning. When pain does not go, I will often refer back to the patterns of the parent.
Why it is Important to Cultivate Emotional Intelligence
There are so many positive reasons why you should cultivate emotional intelligence and here are just a few:
- Better health and stronger immunity resilience
- Healthier relationships and family dynamics
- Choose a better life path
- Make better decisions
- A better judge of character
- It becomes more difficult to offend you
- You learn how to say no
- You will let go of mistakes
- Cultivates self-awareness and self-regulation
- Your empathy skills greatly improve
- Improved social skills
- Express yourself authentically which means less stress and illness
How can you improve your emotional intelligence
Become the observer of your own life
What I mean by this is, develop an awareness of your behaviour around others. Be aware when you start to feel unsettled emotionally or your thoughts become chaotic. Start to recognise those people or situations that uplift you or deplete you. You may also start to realise the pain that you have in your body is related to a situation or a person in your life! Watch out for the ‘pain in the neck’!
Pay attention to what triggers your own emotions. Realise who or what triggers you into reacting negatively or positively.
Question your actions and reactions
It is very helpful to review your actions and reactions around other people. Maybe you went out with a group of friends and realised that you were feeling anxious before you went. Why was that? What were you anxious of? Then ask yourself how did you feel going into a situation and how did you react. Of course you don’t want to become obsessed with self analysis, but if you are having problems with your relationships, you would do well to review the situation.
Take responsibility for your feelings
Your emotional behaviour comes from you, not from anyone else. It may be triggered by another persons actions or inaction, but it is your responsibility. Take responsibility for how you feel and how you behave. Being responsible for your emotional behaviour is a giant step forward and will have a positive impact on your life.