When you feel a desperate need to be loved, you crave a connection with another
When you feel a Desperate Need to be Loved
Desperation can seep into your ability to attract the right person as your over-neediness to be loved means you often end up with the wrong kind of person. You end up with someone who is unable to support your true need.
Toxic relationships are born, when we resist our true needs for the sake of making do in a relationship. I hear so many people say that they lose themselves in a relationship, they literally forget who they are and over identify with the other.
How Do You Know You Are Needy for Love?
- Feeling whole only when you are with others.
- Being jealous of others.
- The need to blame others or thinking everything is your fault.
- To have a low self-worth and not feeling good enough.
- Holding back on expressing how you truely feel.
- Feeling something is missing in your life.
- Continually searching for something outside of yourself.
- Attracting the wrong kind of relationship.
- Losing your sense of self when in a relationship.
- Accepting unreasonable bad behaviour for fear of losing the relationship
- Feeling manipulated, controlled, and abused.
- Feeling a victim of circumstances.
When you See your Relationship through “Rose Tinted Glasses”
Seeing the world through ‘rose-tinted glasses’ means not seeing the truth, being blinded by, in this case, the need to feel love and be with someone.
Anyone will do, regardless of how they behave and treat you. When you see your relationships through rose-tinted glasses you are on a road to self-destruction!
An over-neediness to be loved can lead to all sorts of trouble in relationships. The constant vying for attention, the need to constantly hear your partner say ‘I love you’ and feeling insecure when they are out of sight. Miss-trusting the person you are with leads to behaving in jealous ways.
Do you obsessively think about the other person or dream that they are someone perhaps they are not. Making excuses for bad behaviour and standing up for them when they are in the wrong.
Eventually, as all your focus is on the other person you end up being someone you don’t recognise. Your emotions run your life and your identity gets entangled with that other person. Losing the sense of yourself, you forget what your true needs are.
All Your Life You Seem to Have Attracted the Wrong Kind of Relationship
If you feel deep in your heart that you are not happy with the person you are with, take stock. You may find the relationship is an empty chalice, filled with nothing but air and of no real connection. Just a chalice filled with manipulation, jealousy, drama, suppression, fear, frustration and anger.
There is no substance to a true emotional depth where you feel able to be yourself and connect, not just physically but emotionally and mentally too. Underneath it all, you feel lonely and lost.
When you are stuck in this situation and feel like you have no choice, this may go back to the connection with your mother and father or other authority figures.
Now, I am not here to discredit parents, it’s a tough job and many just do the best that they know. Children are all different, you can have 3 children in one household all with different emotional, mental, and physical needs.
Parents must be able to adapt, and yet even in the most loving of households some children’s needs are still not met and that is simply because we are all different. One child’s experience in a family may be completely different from another. Perceptions and perspectives may differ.
One of the questions I ask my clients when they come to me with relationship issues, is how did you feel as a child? Were emotions shared and acknowledged or buried and stifled? Were all the basic needs met yet your parents were controlling and strict or lax and undisciplined? Were your parents around for you? The list can go on, but essentially feeling valued and worthy of love is a complex set of needs.
Communication and Knowing your True Needs are the Key to a Successful Relationships
What are your TRUE NEEDS? This can be a tricky question, as your true needs are not your wants or your need to be loved. Your true needs come from within. A need to feel safe or a need to have time alone for example. A need is a feeling that enables you to be you.
Now once you truly discover what you need to be you, then communicating your needs clearly is the next step. This may take some time to work out how you do this, particularly if your needs have been suppressed for many years. It also requires courage and self-love.
When you know your true needs and are able to communicate them, then you can truly enjoy a loving relationship with yourself in a balanced way. This will naturally impact those around you, but will enable you to truly understand their needs too. Being able to communicate clearly your true needs and tweak these needs along the way will create balanced power within any relationship.
Loving Yourself is Not Selfish
Becoming in love and loving yourself is not selfish, it is essential. But, it starts with discovering your true needs.
When I ask “what are your true needs” to a client who is in a toxic relationship, they cannot answer it.
That’s because they have hidden away from the truth of their situation and literally have lost their sense of self.
All their attention has been placed on making the other person happy for example. Everything they do is about the need to feel loved by that other person.
Love can mean so many different things, it is not always glamorous, but real love is a deep feeling of connection and honouring your true needs.
What Is Love?
Love is consciousness, it is intelligent. Love is when you feel complete inside and when you are happy to be alone as well as be with others and retain your sense of self.
When you know your true needs and they are met, not necessarily by one person, but in many ways.
Love is a feeling of expansion, lightness, and openness.
Love is an inner sense of connection that goes beyond physical and material needs and beyond even relationships.
You can learn how to feel love even if you didn’t experience the feeling as a child. It is a matter of awareness, becoming aware of your neediness to be loved.
It is then doing some deep personal work on your emotional blocks, your spirituality, your habits, and behaviours. Then build new strategies to not repeat the same patterns again.
When you feel love for yourself will you find true love with others.
When Love is Felt from Within
When you feel love, it is easier to be alone and not feel lonely.
You trust yourself and your gut feelings which enables a sense of freedom.
No matter how difficult life seems to be, there is an inner sense of knowing that all will be well.
A sense that you are not alone, there is a higher purpose for you being here and life flows with the natural rhythms of nature and cycles of life. Love is energy.
I help people who are feel stuck in a rut in their life and relationships. I work with clients to free up energy, through the body, the mind and emotions and help them on a spiritual path. I am able to offer online appointments via Zoom and for local clients, face to face.